A basket full of spoiled quotes that folds in for laundry day | News, sports, jobs
My boxer shorts were on public display.
My wife replied, “They didn’t.” “It’s called a clothesline.”
Oh yeah, what I meant was that Terry uses advanced solar and wind technology to dry our clothes. Terry is a big proponent of finding environmentally conscious solutions to energy consumption problems.
“I am a big fan of you fixing the dryer,” she said.
“But it’s easier to keep socks from washing when they’re clipped to the clothesline.”
It’s loose sheets fluttering in the breeze. “Come here and help me fold these clothes.”
Of course, I couldn’t. I had this column to write. “But you gave me a great idea,” I said.
“About fixing a dryer?”
“No, column topic. Laundry is such a daunting task that I bet you could fall into a basket full of silly quotes about doing laundry.”
And so I did. While Terry hangs another load on the line, here are observations by philosophers and great meme masters that I’ve found while cycling through the internet.
• “Marriage is the most expensive way for the average man to do his laundry.” – Burt Reynolds
• “When I said ‘I do’ I didn’t mean laundry.” – Anonymous (but I have some good guesses)
• “I have two men to wash clothes. Just because I am lazy and rich.” – rocker kid
• “Maybe the good rule of life never becomes so important to do your laundry.” – Barry Sanders
• “It’s better to have loved and lost than to have to do 40 pounds of laundry a week.” – Lawrence J. Peter
• “Alexa, do the laundry.” – unknown
• “How to win coming of age – put your laundry in the dryer before it smells moldy.” – unknown
• “I buried a lot of my clothes in the backyard.” – Phyllis Diller
• “Laundry today or naked tomorrow!” – unknown
• “Have you noticed that if you leave your laundry in the laundry basket long enough, it’s ready to wear again?” – Elaine Busler
• “Sometimes you may feel like there is no one there for you, but you know who is always there for you? Laundry. Laundry will always be there for you.” – unknown
• “Laundry – 30 minutes to wash. 45 minutes to dry. Seven to ten days to give up.” – unknown
• “Clothes that are too clean for the closet but not dirty enough to wash right on the chair.” – Anonymous (but I could have been in the dorm room)
• “The way to wash clothes is simple: if it’s clean, it’s on the floor; if it’s dirty, it’s on the floor over there.” – Anonymous (but see above)
• “I hope my bank account fills up as fast as the laundry basket.” – unknown
• “Now they show you how detergent removes blood stains, and it’s a pretty violent picture there. I think if you have a T-shirt with blood on it, maybe washing isn’t your biggest problem. You should probably get rid of the body before you do the laundry.” – Jerry Seinfeld
• “Laundry – The Neverending Story” – Anonymous
• “Laundry – wash, dry, fold, repeat.” – unknown
• “Learn how to put your problems in your pocket, and then leave them there when you do your laundry.” – John Avery
• It will all appear in the laundry at email@example.com, the Burton W. Cole Facebook page, or www.burtonwcole.com.