Winner’s Circle is a questionable cut of horse meat


I don’t know much about horses. I know they have four legs and great taste. That’s about it. I never had an obsessive phase with horses when I was growing up. Maybe it’s because I’ve played video games, where they’re mainly depicted as cars running on oats.

I’ve also never been interested in Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen, also probably because of the video games. They are also only a year older than me, and anyone in the same age group as me is a threat, not a hero. So going back and rebooting these games is an attempt to relive a missing part of someone else’s young adolescence.
last played Mary-Kate and Ashley: Crush Course Back in 2021, and it took me a long time to recover from it. Now that the wound is finally closed, it’s time to take our scalpel and rip this kid’s back off Mary-Kate and Ashley: The Wiener Circle on PS1.

Gate jumped
Screenshot by Destructoid

Great shirt

I could not persuade my husband to play Mary-Kate and Ashley: The Wiener Circle with me. Such a shame, but it was his unique instinct for self-preservation that prompted me to marry him. I love a challenge.

So, I played on my own. You start by customizing your horse and rider. You can play as Mary-Kate or Ashley, but there is also a character creator that allows you to make an avatar that looks like you. Unless you’re a man. or black. Or you have red hair. One of the first things we learn about Wiener circle It is full of hate.
If you don’t believe me, one onlooker has a T-shirt that just says “GW SUX.” I’m going to guess this refers to Graeme Webb, one of the game’s programmers. Graeme is an industry expert and continues to be a lead programmer for some notable projects today. This t-shirt may not indicate GW’s programming skills. Maybe they are SUX as a person. I’m not sure. This shirt is all I have to judge their character. I tend to believe everything I read on a shirt.

Mary-Kate and Ashley Weiner circle
Screenshot by Destructoid


Anyway, the horse assignment is… good. A horse is a horse of course, so I wasn’t particularly picky. I made mine look a bit like an Agro from shadow of the Colossus, but I also gave them white socks. Then I called them “knockouts” to strike fear into the hearts of the other teens I would be competing with.

Your choices to play are a series of competitions and miseries. You can also take care of and maintain your horse, which is really important for competitions, however Wiener circle He doesn’t tell you that. Grooming is the most anti-responsibility method I can imagine. It goes down a checklist of lists, and then your character says things like, “You stink girl” as you watch them comb the horse. I’m paraphrasing, of course.
The advent of indie games with an emphasis on tactile interaction got me thinking how to play these kinds of games, which is the worst. Girls love to clean horses (probably), and it’s like making fun of them.

The worst part about it is that the menus are very slow. There are download times all over the place. I think I spent more time watching different loading screens than I did playing games Wiener circle. It hurts.

Mary-Kate and Ashley Winner's Circle Deathblow Horse
Screenshot by Destructoid

Hey you gotta find the first gear in your giant meaty horse

The adventure modes are a pain too. You are set in an open world, and you have the option of Freeplay, Horse Trials, and Horse Shoes. Horse Trials has you running through portals in open worlds. Horseshoes has you scouting to find boots in the mist of the game’s oppressive clouds. Finally, Freeplay lets you look at a horse’s hindquarters and pretend you’re playing Ocarina of time. This is still better than loading screens.
Competitions are where the real horse meat is. Each one consists of three events. The first is dressage, where you change gears on your horse to match what the orbs tell you. Deathblow and I absolutely broke the other kids, probably because it’s as easy as falling off a ladder. The only tricky part was when the orbs turn into arrows, but its controls are strangely intuitive. If it points left, you hit Square. If it points right, you hit the circle.

The next part has you running through carefully manicured terrain, through portals, and occasionally jumping off things. You have to time your jumps, but the horse will only jump when it’s close enough, so you can just mash the X button as you get closer to the gate.
The worst is when you miss a jump and run into the crowd. Not because any of the cardboard carriers in the audience were damaged – that would make things much better – but because you then have to carefully navigate your pony to a good carrier. This may take a while, but at least this gives you a chance to read all about SUX.

Nor does the horse control the way it is dressed. Instead of it being a series of gears that you shift into, you maintain the direction you want until you reach your desired speed. I don’t know enough about horses to know if it’s a manual or automatic transmission, but my husband does. Whenever he was walking, he was making gurgling sounds, so I’m not sure Wiener circle minute about either.

tame walk
Screenshot by Destructoid

Gated community

The last event is just gate jumping in the arena. Maybe I’m really cool at the event too, but he can be forgiving of mistakes. Every time I thought I had the worst round and took the penalty shots, I was still in first place. The other kids must really SUX.
Meanwhile, the music is some pretty weird stuff. It’s the kind of thing you hear when a housewife doesn’t have enough money to pay a plumber. if you know what i mean.

If you just focus on winning all competitions, Wiener circle Not a very long game. It took me less than 2 hours to complete it all. I checked out a few adventure modes, but I think these are more for really bored kids who love ponies and hate challenge.
Weirdly, this is the least game Mary-Kate and Ashley have ever played with them. Maybe one or both of them do the voiceover – he definitely doesn’t seem interested enough – but that’s about it. Unless you specify it as a character, it does not exist. Not sure if more widespread would do this Wiener circle better or worse.

Mary-Kate and Ashley: Winner in Winner's Circle
Screenshot by Destructoid

nap time

Mary-Kate and Ashley: The Wiener Circle It’s definitely not a game I’d recommend, but it’s honestly not terrible. The most annoying parts of it can largely be attributed to technical limitations. I don’t know about you, but I don’t expect to see amazing feats of programming in my shovel.

But the gameplay is good. Certainly not the deepest pony simulator, but if you’ve been transported back in time to 2001 and need to keep some teens occupied long enough to take a nap, this is probably better than what was on TV at the time. If you want something with more oats in it, you’ll want something like Equestrian exhibition, which was released the same year. I’m not sure if it’s based on the same engine, but Graeme Webb also worked on that. I don’t know how someone who can program horses so well can do SUX.

Well, that’s two Mary-Kate and Ashley Games ended. How many do I have to go? Ew.

Zoe Handley

Staff Writer – Zoey is a gaming geek. I started blogging with the community in 2018 and hit the front page shortly after. Found in a habit of exploring independent experiments and outdated libraries, she does her best to remain chronically unfamiliar.

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